Wow a few months shy a year and I finally post again. This is definitely the longest I have been away. Honestly, I never thought I would start up this blog again. I am not totally sure what has got me back. I think it might have to do with my new PT job. Yes another new job! But this one is super awesome. I work 2-3 days a week (depending on the week) for a marketing company consisting of me (the Sales and Marketing Assistant), the president (a 60 year old awesome, awesome lady) and a super sweet Graphics Designer. I have only worked one day (last Friday) but I truly love it so far. I am going back tomorrow and Friday and maybe Thursday. Its very cool. We had my interview in Bryant Park if that says anything! Betty (my boss) is the first boss I have had since Heidi (at Espresso in London) who treated me like a person. After my first day we spent almost two more hours chatting. She is really inspiring. A fabulous entrepeneur. I think after being in a massive, massive funk for the past year, she is inspiring me to move on. I haven't done badly. I left Kirkland (LONG story) and since then have taken the time to take care of myself. I burnt out over the last four years. My photography has picked up (I still sell prints) and I recently bought a new camera, a Canon Rebel Xti, with my tax return money. I love it and its on another planet from my little point and shoot I used to use. I am hoping to branch out into doing people now (weddings, pregnancy's, children, engagements). I need to build up my portfolio though. Anyways, Ronny was hurt on his job in April. He hurt his arm badly but thankfully no permanent damage other than sensation loss on a tiny part of his hand and he will be getting a small skin graft next week. Its been a horrible two months though. Between that, going to doctors with him and then he got sick for the Special Day and then right after he got hurt I got a BAD case of tonsilitis. Its just been crazy. Shortly after that my niece came to live with us (another long story) and I dove head first into depression. She is with her mom now so I have been able to get back on track. So I had bought this great new camera and didnt get to use it for a good month and a half. I felt kind of discouraged with everything. But since starting to work with Betty, I feel more motivated. The things I do for her I do for my own photography business (or should) with regards to marketing, etc and its making me realize that I need to get way more serious about my own business. Plus, we talk about things in general and I made a statement to her the other day. Its funny because even though I do feel this way, I have not lived this way in a long time. I feel "that the only thing that ever stops us in life is ourselves." As simple and unoriginal as that is, it was a bit of an epiphany for me. The last few days I have felt far better. I feel rejuivenated and alive again. So I have been blogging more on my art blog and decided to get this one going too. Also going to all my friends blogs (you guys) I realized how much I miss having my friends. I am quite alone still if you can believe that. I dont really have friends here. There is one sister I hang out with on occasion but other than that, nothing. I miss the person I used to be 4 years ago. I had to leave her behind not because of want but out of necessity. I am trying to gradually refind her and also find the person I have become. Its interesting that is for sure.

Hey everyone, I desperately need to get this blog updated with a new look but first thought I would go ahead and let you know of a few new things. :)

1. I got a new job as a Legal Secretary for Kirkland & Ellis LLP and love it so far. Its a fantastic opportunity and one that I KNOW Jehovah helped me with cause the other was majorly messing me up. Its a long story as to why I left my other job but may get into it later on.

2. Ronny's immigration is progressing finally. He got his fingerprints done last week and hopefully will get his work permit soon. I hope so cause we are still with my parents and I want to get out! :)

3. We started a handmade soap shop at http://www.bathtimebeckons.etsy.com/ which we are really proud of. Started it to give Ronny something to do and make a bit of money. Please check it out! :)

4. I have a new craft blog that I update FAR more often. Its http://www.ariaimages.blogspot.com/

anyways, I have to run but will try and revamp this blog and start writing again. I am in training at work so dont have loads of time but will try my best. I want to thank EVERYONE who commented on my last post. I really appreciate it. Also, to those that emailed....thank you! Sorry I havent gotten back to anyone yet but promise to do so soon. Love you all SO much!

Oh yes, one more thing please take notice my new email address (and only one as I wont be using any other than this) is melodyofdavid@gmail.com so please change that in your address books! :)

Bye for now!

Okay I have decided to post before I lose my nerve. I seriously thought I would just give up on posting on here. I doubt anyone really visits anymore and I wouldnt blame them with my sporatic blogging. But I desperately need an outlet and TBH I havent used my blog as a proper outlet in forever. So if no one reads this that is fine, I just need to get my thoughts out there.
I have gained almost all the weight I lost last year. I cannot tell you how much this devastates me. Not in a superficial, oh drat kind of way. In a soul churning, pit of despair and hopeless devastation. I think I truly believe I will always be unhealthy. I cannot believe how fast the weight came back on. I dont even want to think about it. For the past two months I have been seriously trying to get my mind back on losing weight in a healthy way. I have a free gym membership and was going regularly and loving it until I got sick and it threw my whole routine off. I really REALLY need to start a regime. I cannot take this anymore. Its going to kill me emotionally and physically. I am totally cheating myself. Here is how:
1. I do not have the physical prowess I would like to have. Tired all the time, sick of losing my breath so fast for little things. Just hate being so sluggish.
2. I HATE the way I look. I have a hard time looking at myself in the mirror now. I tend to disgust myself. Coming in and out of the shower is the worst.
3. I cannot buy clothes I want. I cannot walk into any store and think, yes I like that, Ill try it on. I am very limited in where I can shop. Working in Soho this is NOT fun.
4. I am tired of that constant nagging feeling of being aware how I look ALL the time. Thinking, wow, do I look even fatter if I sit like this or if I tilt my head to the right do I have three chins instead of two? I cannot believe how much of my time is consumed by thinking about how fat I am. Its insane.
5. I would like to have the option of having a baby. At the moment, I will not even consider it. I would be a high risk pregnancy and that wouldn't be fair to my baby or me. I want to be healthy when I bring my child into the world if I choose to have one.
6. I just want to be able to go through life and worry about other things besides being fat. I want to see myself the way my husband does and I want to FEEL beautiful.
7. I have been fat most of my life. Last year for a few months I experienced what it would feel like with being okay with myself. It was amazing. I want that again. I am young, I want to FEEL young and feel good.
These are just a few of the reasons why I MUST lose weight. There is no option anymore. None. I cannot go on like this. I just cant.
I am sorry for the crazy post but my health is rapidly declining due to stress and I believe depression. My weight may not be the cause but it plays a role. I do not want to go on medication, I dont want to be sick all the time, I dont want to cry and be miserable and have ridiculous dizzy spells and horrible heart palpitations. I need to take control. If that means I get help, then I will get help but I will not give in. I wont give in to my despair.

Okay before I let too much time go past I figured I should post. :) Ronny and I got back from our Williamsburg, VA vacation last Saturday. Had a really wonderful time. Probably the best vacation we have ever been on. lol Its true! Europe was nice but stressful. I felt no pressure in VA (to see/do everything) so we could just relax. Was so much fun. Went to Colonical Williamsburg and Busch Gardens. Will get the pics up as soon as I am done with them. There are a LOT as usual. I added a few of them from my trip to my Etsy store on the right. The red flower ones are from VA. Check it out. :)

We went to a Gwen Stefani concert on Sunday with a friend of mine, Rodney. Man did we have fun!!! Lady Sovereign (a UK rapper and quite good! I knew of her out there) opened as well as Akon who's DJ totally stole the show. Got the crowd really going. Gwen was good but lacking in energy although when she came into the audience to sing a song everyone went...bananas. lol It was cool.

Other than that not much going on. I am busy with school and work and meetings, service and now my Etsy shop. Wonderful Marshena bought 3 of my prints. Isnt she the best!!! :) I was so thrilled.

Anyways, talk to you lovely ones later!