Have you ever felt caught in between emotions? Tuesday's seem to have that effect on me. It's weird cause I get happy cause it's no longer Monday and we have the bookstudy tonight but then I start to feel strange cause we aren't even close to the end of the week. I think Tuesday's are like the Black Hole of the week. But that's just my opinion.
This morning I watched a little girl of about 6 or 7 having an "arguement" with her mom. Actually she was crying and her mom was just yelling at her. I don't know why, maybe she deserved the discipline but looking at her face with the big, soft brown eyes and her little mouth turned down and tears rolling down her face I wondered how any mom could not be moved by that. I don't even have a child and I was! Evidently she didn't want to tie her shoes but her mother was making her. I really felt for her. My heart hurt to see this cute little girl cry.Now, this brings into question recent feelings I have been having. I'm about to bare my soul here so please, bear with me: For like the last year (actually since I met Ronny) my maternal instincts have been kicking in BIG time. Now, please understand, I am a girl who swore to never have kids and I felt VERY strongly about it. I still do in many ways. I went through serious depression and was even suicidal at one time. For me childhood was a joy but my teenage years were torture. So I was convinced never to have a child in this system. My grandmother warned me, she told me when I was about 24 the feelings would kick in. Of course I denied that. But it seems like she was right all along. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean Im actually going to have them in this system of things but since being with Ronny I realized I would definitely love to have a child. I would love to have RONNY's child. I think about it all the time now. What it would look like (probably big cheeks and curly hair =) and hopefully would have only our good qualities. lol But even when I see a baby, my arms start to itch to hold it. And it seems like everyone is pregnant now a days. So I know I would definitely love to have a child but I think I'm going to still try and wait. If it happens of course I will be happy but in the meantime I think I'll enjoy it vicariously through Mich's pregnancy.

BTW, Im off tomorrow so see you guys Wednesday!